Well she asked if she was going to have to eat the moon, and I told her "no, you don't have to eat the moon, I didn't eat the moon and everything turned out fine". And she said everything didn't turn out fine, so I said "Ok fair, I didn't eat the moon and we still beat the man in white" and then she said I always say the wrong thing.
Hmm. Well, then, since you're not talking, perhaps you will listen.
[ his tone never changes throughout this - placid and calm, an observer. nothing mean! ]
Whether you intend it to be that way or not... In this moment, it reads to me that you are currently sulking like a child, instead of acknowledging that it was insensitive and perhaps attempting to work out how to avoid the same problem in future interactions. And, by the by, I've no doubts that Nimona has also been very insensitive towards you: I don't believe this to be one sided, but I digress.
Therein lies the issue. If your first blush is to immediately hyperbolize and become defensive, then you will always have trouble getting along with others. Do you really, truly, think she wants to be angry, and just wants to take it out on you? Honestly.
[They're going to sit there quietly for a while. At this point it's less that they're being stubborn and more that they're thinking over Temenos's words. It's a long time before they actually speak up again.]
From day 1 she was shitty to me and made messes in the dorm specifically to try and piss me off. And then the one time I asked her to stop- because what she did was dangerous to the cats- she stopped talking to me at all and ran away. And she only even came back this week because she wanted something from me. I've heard what she says about me behind my back too.
I thought...she might understand. What it's like to be what we are. That I could finally, finally be friends with someone like me. But she never even gave me a chance.
[ that's okay. he's patient, waiting - and that patience is rewarded. temenos sits back in the booth, closing his eyes. ]
... This is the confessional, mind, so anything I say is of course in as utmost secrecy as anything you do. [ ... ] Nimona has had a very difficult time with people who are supposed to be 'authority'. You, in this situation, are supposed to be authority, and even presented yourself as such. Combined with the intensive, pressure-laden situation we are in, if she felt she was pressured to follow certain rules you laid down, and dealt with the immediate loss of someone she liked quite a bit that very first week, it creates an emotional sinkhole.
I do believe Nimona owes you some grace, and some patience, which she does not often give. But - I believe you owe her some, too. If you want to be understood, Tiger, you must not just share your own pain, or hurt. It is vital that you listen, too. And sometimes, what we must listen for is something that must be heard between the lines.
[ coming from someone who rarely shares anything about himself, temenos understands this skill more fluently than near anyone. after all, he only had to tip off a single piece of his own life to get tiger to start talking about themselves, here, and he's done his best to be a good listening ear ever since. ]
You cannot force a bond - just because you can see the connection, doesn't mean that she can. And even if she can, she might not be willing to approach it so easily.
This is a confessional. I would never break my honor to do such a thing. I only ask that you practice a similar discretion.
[ that priest to congregant privilege is very real, but don't go sharing this conversation with nimona either.
he's quiet for a moment. ]
You've told me so before. [ ... ] That means it is even more imperative that you recognize when you've made mistakes, Tiger, and you don't just dwell on them, but you fix them.
[They really won't. Odds are by tomorrow they will feel really embarrassed about venting in the first place.]
I guess the hard part is that it never seems like the right time for apologies. Any time I have tried, she either brushes it off or tells me I don't even know what I'm apologizing for. And yeah, stuff is hard here. There's always bad stuff happening. So there's never really a good time for it.
[ no!!! and it's not that he's not sympathetic to the thought bubble, or the behavior relating to it, really - but for tiger's dignity he won't address it, instead just reiterating, very patient: ]
Like...back on that first day, she got mad when I offered to help her figure out why her power was weird. Because we have the same power, see? And I've already figured out the nuances with it. But she got mad about it so I was going to apologize about it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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gently, after a moment: ]
... Tiger. In the context of this last weekend, do you see how that could be the wrong thing to say?
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Maybe I should stop talking entirely, because apparently everything I say is wrong.
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[ buddy!!! ]
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[ his tone never changes throughout this - placid and calm, an observer. nothing mean! ]
Whether you intend it to be that way or not... In this moment, it reads to me that you are currently sulking like a child, instead of acknowledging that it was insensitive and perhaps attempting to work out how to avoid the same problem in future interactions. And, by the by, I've no doubts that Nimona has also been very insensitive towards you: I don't believe this to be one sided, but I digress.
Therein lies the issue. If your first blush is to immediately hyperbolize and become defensive, then you will always have trouble getting along with others. Do you really, truly, think she wants to be angry, and just wants to take it out on you? Honestly.
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From day 1 she was shitty to me and made messes in the dorm specifically to try and piss me off. And then the one time I asked her to stop- because what she did was dangerous to the cats- she stopped talking to me at all and ran away. And she only even came back this week because she wanted something from me. I've heard what she says about me behind my back too.
I thought...she might understand. What it's like to be what we are. That I could finally, finally be friends with someone like me. But she never even gave me a chance.
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... This is the confessional, mind, so anything I say is of course in as utmost secrecy as anything you do. [ ... ] Nimona has had a very difficult time with people who are supposed to be 'authority'. You, in this situation, are supposed to be authority, and even presented yourself as such. Combined with the intensive, pressure-laden situation we are in, if she felt she was pressured to follow certain rules you laid down, and dealt with the immediate loss of someone she liked quite a bit that very first week, it creates an emotional sinkhole.
I do believe Nimona owes you some grace, and some patience, which she does not often give. But - I believe you owe her some, too. If you want to be understood, Tiger, you must not just share your own pain, or hurt. It is vital that you listen, too. And sometimes, what we must listen for is something that must be heard between the lines.
[ coming from someone who rarely shares anything about himself, temenos understands this skill more fluently than near anyone. after all, he only had to tip off a single piece of his own life to get tiger to start talking about themselves, here, and he's done his best to be a good listening ear ever since. ]
You cannot force a bond - just because you can see the connection, doesn't mean that she can. And even if she can, she might not be willing to approach it so easily.
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[Even if they are venting, they still don't want to upset her. A part of them still wants to be friends, despite everything.
But now they're going to pull their knees up against their chest.]
I'm not meant to be a leader. I've always been one of the people getting led.
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[ that priest to congregant privilege is very real, but don't go sharing this conversation with nimona either.
he's quiet for a moment. ]
You've told me so before. [ ... ] That means it is even more imperative that you recognize when you've made mistakes, Tiger, and you don't just dwell on them, but you fix them.
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[They really won't. Odds are by tomorrow they will feel really embarrassed about venting in the first place.]
I guess the hard part is that it never seems like the right time for apologies. Any time I have tried, she either brushes it off or tells me I don't even know what I'm apologizing for. And yeah, stuff is hard here. There's always bad stuff happening. So there's never really a good time for it.
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...What are you apologizing for, precisely?
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[Saying sorry never stopped the director or the boss anyway. Why would it work here?]
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[ no!!! and it's not that he's not sympathetic to the thought bubble, or the behavior relating to it, really - but for tiger's dignity he won't address it, instead just reiterating, very patient: ]
Try, Tiger. Answer the question.
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[ was it ]
Like what?
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[Their voice cuts off suddenly. Temenos can't see it, but Tiger's hand just turned into a big tiger paw.
Their next words are quiet:]
Oh no.