[ he laughs, wetly. and normally he'd shove away the comfort but he doesn't, this time. ]
How foolish of me. To think I was above feelings and caring for others.
I didn't expect to care for people here. I really didn't. But they've been good people. Even to me. Even now. [ in the aftermath of this trial ] And if they ever find out what I did...I'm going to lose all of them. And I'm going to deserve it, just like last time.
I know you're limited in what you can say, due to your role and everything. But if people give you grief over it, you can tell them I "gave you permission to kill". As long as you don't say it's from a role, and instead imply it's just conversations we had, it should be in accordance with the role rules.
[They can't do much to protect Danny, and they are too emotionally constipated to adequately say how much they care for Danny. But this is the least they can do.]
Some won't. But others will. 'People' aren't a monolith, they will all have their own opinions. I can't give forgiveness in this situation, but at the very least I wouldn't ever hold your actions against you.
[ lol. lmao. the funny thing is, this is me interpreting things as conservatively/literally taken from canon as possible. fandom has waaaaaaay angstier takes on the ambiguous elements of this timeline
anyway, normally Danny would punch something here or do something violent but honestly he's just so tired from the adrenaline comedown after trial and all the feelings that followed that he just flops facedown back into this beanbag. ]
I am so sick of having these stupid memories on replay.
[ and then, raising his head up a little to be more audible: ] It's...old news. Happened years ago. So yes. In the strictest sense, as far as what happened then, I've made my peace with it.
[ shakes his head, his gaze fixing on a point in some distant corner of the room and beyond, because this isn't stuff he can talk about looking someone in the eye. ]
Frankly, I'm less okay with being in a world where they're all alive again. And where I'm a child again. It's...what I had before was bad, but I understood it. It was awful, but it was mine, and I had it figured out.
But now...everything's spiraled out of control since. Even moreso since coming here. Now it's like, every time I so much as breathe--which is still weird--someone ends up dead, or worse, I end up caring about someone and then I have something to fear.
[ he's worked himself up a little--where his words started out a little hesitant, as if they were being pulled from him, by the end, they're practically spilling out at rapid fire pace ]
[He had been reaching back with his other hand to grab a blanket off the couch, but it bumps a comic panel oh no.]
---
You are fourteen. It has been a year and a half since you left the orphanage and found employment with the mafia.
You struggle with this job. The Boss says you have a talent for violence, and that your ability is best suited for protecting him from any danger. You don't really see how that could be possible though. It's a violent ability, to be sure, but you have very little control over it. Your only success so far has been in growing your nails into long, sharp claws. Anything further than that, and you lose control of yourself. You stay close to the Boss not as a bodyguard, but as someone who needs the Boss's ability to nullify yours and turn you back into a human.
Furthermore, you don't even like violence. Every time you're shoved into a fight, you freeze up in fear. This doesn't come naturally to you. You're old enough that you should be beyond crying every time you get scared, but there are still nights where you sob quietly into your pillow, unable to find sleep because the horrors of the day keep popping up in your dreams.
"Tiger-kun, I have a present for you."
You should have known something was up. The Boss isn't a kind man. Whenever he does something, it's for a specific purpose. And yet you still go into this wide-eyed, mystified by the box sitting on his desk. You have never been given a present before. What could it be?
"Open it."
You remove the lid, and it slips out of your hands and falls to the ground as you stare at the contents of the box.
A collar. With sharp spikes.
Sharp spikes on the inside.
You look up to the Boss. He is smiling a smile that does not reach his eyes. "This should be useful to you. Pain stops the transformation, right? This is all you need to control your ability."
Your eyes are wide in fear as you look back down at the spiked collar.
"Go on, Tiger-kun. Put it on."
---
[Well. He's grabbing the blanket, but now he's pulling it over his own head.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ now he wants to curl up in a hole forever ]
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After a moment's hesitation, Tiger reaches out to pat Danny on the back in a gesture of genuine comfort.]
It's hard, I know. I've had to do the same thing countless times. It's especially hard when you've grown close to someone.
...I'm sorry that this is happening to you.
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How foolish of me. To think I was above feelings and caring for others.
I didn't expect to care for people here. I really didn't. But they've been good people. Even to me. Even now. [ in the aftermath of this trial ] And if they ever find out what I did...I'm going to lose all of them. And I'm going to deserve it, just like last time.
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Are you worried about them finding out? The intangibility demonstration you did seemed to make them think you were innocent.
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Maybe I convinced the majority...but I'm certain there are people who still suspect me. And sometimes killers are found after the fact.
And even if they don't find out, now I know deep down that I...I can't be loved. That didn't bother me before, but...
[ i'm sorry he's being so dramatic, his inner vlad is jumping out ]
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[Probably not the best trait to share, but.]
I know you're limited in what you can say, due to your role and everything. But if people give you grief over it, you can tell them I "gave you permission to kill". As long as you don't say it's from a role, and instead imply it's just conversations we had, it should be in accordance with the role rules.
[They can't do much to protect Danny, and they are too emotionally constipated to adequately say how much they care for Danny. But this is the least they can do.]
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Maybe not. But...some people's forgiveness matters more than others. And they're the ones least likely to give it.
...you'd better not hold them against me, you're the one who set me on him in the first place.
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[No see they give bad advice, it's not promoting self growth in Danny!]
I won't. [A pause.] I could show you something, to show you I mean it?
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1/2
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Now you can say you're one of the very few who knows what I really look like.
[He can't imagine a deeper trust than trusting someone with his identity.]
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...who else does?
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[He won't elaborate on that one.]
But that's it. And none of them know my name yet.
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...what about the other team leaders?
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[ anyway, here, have a memshare! ]
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Anyways Tiger stares at the comic for a moment, and then gives Danny a worried look.]
Are you- are you okay?
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anyway, normally Danny would punch something here or do something violent but honestly he's just so tired from the adrenaline comedown after trial and all the feelings that followed that he just flops facedown back into this beanbag. ]
I am so sick of having these stupid memories on replay.
[ and then, raising his head up a little to be more audible: ] It's...old news. Happened years ago. So yes. In the strictest sense, as far as what happened then, I've made my peace with it.
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If you're sure. I wouldn't be upset with you if you said you weren't okay though. I have my fair share of bad memories too, I understand it.
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Frankly, I'm less okay with being in a world where they're all alive again. And where I'm a child again. It's...what I had before was bad, but I understood it. It was awful, but it was mine, and I had it figured out.
But now...everything's spiraled out of control since. Even moreso since coming here. Now it's like, every time I so much as breathe--which is still weird--someone ends up dead, or worse, I end up caring about someone and then I have something to fear.
[ he's worked himself up a little--where his words started out a little hesitant, as if they were being pulled from him, by the end, they're practically spilling out at rapid fire pace ]
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Tiger reaches over, placing a hand on Danny's shoulder to try and reassure him.]
It hasn't been easy here. I think this place is designed to break all of us.
...I'm sorry. I put you in a horrible place with my request this week.
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I'm the one who pushed for you to make use of me. This kind of thing hasn't bothered me in over a decade. I really didn't think it would start now.
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[He had been reaching back with his other hand to grab a blanket off the couch, but it bumps a comic panel oh no.]
---
You are fourteen. It has been a year and a half since you left the orphanage and found employment with the mafia.
You struggle with this job. The Boss says you have a talent for violence, and that your ability is best suited for protecting him from any danger. You don't really see how that could be possible though. It's a violent ability, to be sure, but you have very little control over it. Your only success so far has been in growing your nails into long, sharp claws. Anything further than that, and you lose control of yourself. You stay close to the Boss not as a bodyguard, but as someone who needs the Boss's ability to nullify yours and turn you back into a human.
Furthermore, you don't even like violence. Every time you're shoved into a fight, you freeze up in fear. This doesn't come naturally to you. You're old enough that you should be beyond crying every time you get scared, but there are still nights where you sob quietly into your pillow, unable to find sleep because the horrors of the day keep popping up in your dreams.
"Tiger-kun, I have a present for you."
You should have known something was up. The Boss isn't a kind man. Whenever he does something, it's for a specific purpose. And yet you still go into this wide-eyed, mystified by the box sitting on his desk. You have never been given a present before. What could it be?
"Open it."
You remove the lid, and it slips out of your hands and falls to the ground as you stare at the contents of the box.
A collar. With sharp spikes.
Sharp spikes on the inside.
You look up to the Boss. He is smiling a smile that does not reach his eyes. "This should be useful to you. Pain stops the transformation, right? This is all you need to control your ability."
Your eyes are wide in fear as you look back down at the spiked collar.
"Go on, Tiger-kun. Put it on."
---
[Well. He's grabbing the blanket, but now he's pulling it over his own head.]
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