...that would require me thinking ahead for that and now that you suggested it i will move everything out of sigrun's room and into a corner in the training room cannot believe we kept the doors but good. it better count i wouldn't be happy if we had to leave you behind
You did have a lot on your mind around then... Like Lillium, and the inflatable pumpkins on the roof. I wouldn't be happy with that, either. But it is something I've gotten used to.
i always have a lot in my mind honestly ...ah. so you do remember. thanks for helping with the knots again be less used to it though, it's not happening
So I've noticed. How could I forget? You were very cute. Sorry, sorry. It's part of my history, so it isn't something I can just ignore. It would be nice to not be left behind, though.
ugh stop it was embarrassing sorry if i said anything weird ...i understand. i've just been thinking a lot about people's history and how to write a new future for them where the history doesn't have to repeat itself. i guess that goes for you too now would you go back where you came from before this?
You didn't say anything weird, but I do have some questions. I hope you get the chance to do that. History is what it is and should not be altered, but the future isn't yet set in stone. There is always a chance to change it. As much as I might like to see other worlds someday, my mission at home is very important. I'm sure that they could carry on without me, but I don't want to leave them when they need me. And the last thing I knew before coming here, my comrades needed all the help they could get. One of us needs rescuing, and that is going to be hard enough on its own.
you know by now you can ask whatever and i'll answer as best as i can whenever but yes exactly. i think my future is pretty set...i have will and actually, you know, want to live to see my future. there are people here whose outcomes are grim or aren't fair to them, so i want to change those for them to give them a chance of something better if that's possible. i'm gonna make it possible rescue missions are no joke, so i can't blame you. and i think i would do the same no matter what. even if we weren't in a time of peace right now i'd want to go back because people would need me to fight and keep home safe a team only works best with all of its parts together anyway but maybe...someday after your mission's complete there will be a chance to see other places
You mentioned someone named Biana. Like some on our own team... yes, I know. The people here deserve better than they have, so I'd like to see them get it. We've always understood each other well, Nico di Angelo. And you are right about how teams work, so I'll be quite happy when ours is back together, however briefly.
[ there's a slight pause here before he continues to type. ]
Maybe. The current mission will be over soon. The larger one... It isn't likely to end for a few more centuries, I think. And even when it does, it's just as likely that I'll be dismissed along with the other touken danshi. I may no longer exist as you know me now.
bianca was my older sister i guess yeah, at that age, i would've thought she was still alive she died when i was ten so i mean...jolyne absolutely yes. lillium won't leave iris but his world sounds like it needs a change. nimona. danny. ace. saya. there are a lot of people i want to help and it's why i was hoping if we found that dumb book i don't know. we could write a happy ending for everybody you're probably the one of the leaders that i've had the easiest time talking to and understanding. not that the others aren't fine (i like rabbit a lot, too) but...you get it. i'll be happy to see the others again even for a little while ...when your lifelong mission's over, you'd just go back to being a sword on display? how's that fair? it's taking away your autonomy to actually live your life
I see. Losing someone so close to you does take a toll. I'm sorry you had to experience that so young.
[ some humans just have hard lives from the start. ]
You have a good heart, Nico. As long as they want to be helped, I think you can find a way to do it, whether it's the book or some other way. I'm glad to have had the honor of being your leader, but I do understand. We both have someone to go home to. That's just as important as anyone we've met here.
I don't know that for sure, but it is likely. And I have to remind you that I never had autonomy in the first place. I was created to be a tool. Even now, I am a tool. I like having the freedom to decide for myself, but my nature is what it is, and that can't be changed any more than yours.
i don't really know how to say it's fine because obviously it's not but i've made peace with it for her and for my mother ...there's one i'm still working on and being here hasn't exactly helped but. time, i guess i think they do. want to be helped, i mean. i don't think all of them are good at asking for it or saying so but i think they do because everybody wants to be in a place where they're safe don't they? that's what i want to do for them i have a lot of ideas for the book if we can find it the first being breaking the moon's nose with it but you're right. that's....part of it, admittedly. i know you wouldn't leave your partner behind just like i could never leave will
i hate that answer izuminokami a lot. i hate that answer a lot and i know that but i'm still...you can't tell me that even as a tool you didn't get to make your own choices and develop your own interests in stuff i guess i can respect the perspective even if i don't totally agree i think anyone and anything can change as long as they want to try and are given the chance to that's how i feel about some people here
I wouldn't want you to lie about it, anyway. As long as you can keep moving forward without forgetting them or letting it hold you back, and you obviously can, that's enough. That makes sense to me. Sometimes it is hard to say what you need, but that's what friends and comrades are for. And the moon would deserve that.
Of course I did. I was heavily influenced by my previous master, of course, but I like what I like and hate what I hate. As for making my own choices... That's more complicated. I never could have before being given this body, and if I lose it, I will be as I was before. Just a sword with a spirit that most humans can't see, hear, or touch. I don't know if this is something that can be changed. Maybe something like how this world refers to us as heroes or villains can be, because that's a matter of perspective. But you can't change that I was created to be a sword, just as I can't change that you were born with human blood.
i've been figuring it out recently but i can't promise i would've been able to get past things if today turned out differently exactly that. i mean i'm pretty bad at it myself but i think it's easier for me to ask and do something about it for other people than explain it for myself? i get that's weird but...workable goals screw the moon
...i know you're right but it just sounds really lonely to be a spirit that can't actually engage with most people and just have to live with that i know you're fine being a tool because that's what you were created to be but i guess it's just sad to think about you going back to only that after knowing what you're really like i don't know. it's not my business it's just...yeah.
I can understand that. And no, I don't think that's weird. It's just easier for some to focus on other people instead of themselves. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're looking out for yourself and what you want, too.
It can be lonely, yes. I wasn't on display all the time, and I didn't even have my partner at that point. I was well loved and well taken care of, but I was still alone as a tsukumogami. Sometimes young children can see or hear us, but not always. I don't think I would mind getting to keep this body. It just isn't something that we as touken danshi can rely on. We are, in the end, just the spirits of tools made by humans. I appreciate the concern regardless, Nico.
and when i don't know how to do that, that's what will's for to be honest
it's so uncertain is all. you can be adored and well taken care of but it's not the same as being able to really love back i guess it sounds kind of crappy when it's said like that because it just makes it seem like humans decide what you are and aren't allowed to do but i know you wouldn't see it that way and like i said i respect that i hope though that...i don't know. maybe you really do get to keep your body and get to live another life experiencing it i think i'm always going to be concerned about people i care about even when i can't change things that's all
Naturally. You two are good for each other. That's just one of the ways.
[ not that he needs to tell nico that. ]
But I do love them back, even as only a sword. I love Hijikata-san with everything I have. I loved the caretakers at the museum for taking care of me and keeping Hijikata-san's memory alive. I even loved Ichimura for carrying out Hijikata-san's last wish, when it meant I couldn't be there for his final battle. It's different than what humans are used to, I think, but it's not that we can't love at all, especially now. I will always love those who care for me. That includes you.
And part of being a tool means that our purpose is decided for us. If it weren't for that, I likely would have been lost to history alongside my partner the day our master died. It hurts, now, to think about it, and I don't necessarily want to go back to it. Maybe something will change and I want have to, but I don't think there's a way to know just yet. I'm not even sure what I'd do with a life of my own, now that I think about it. Maybe I'd sell medicine, like my master used to? Or spend my days writing poetry?
[ he does not need to tell nico that but it's nice to hear. instead, it is still existential hours so he focuses on the rest. ]
...when you put it that way it makes a little more sense like how animals communicate or how the memories of ghosts live. they might not be the same as a mortal's perspective, but it still exists
maybe it's just because i spent so long trying to figure out my real purpose that i have a hard time thinking of having a predetermined one which is on me obviously not you it's...kind of like how i feel about shame and the other cocoa puffs they were born from me and their original purpose was only to listen to me or fight against me but i didn't want that for them because they deserved their own freedom too i guess that's where this is coming from the cool thing about having a life of your own is being able to decide and try things and change your mind but uh. i cannot in good faith recommend poetry because i still don't get it (but i support your efforts i guess)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
and now that you suggested it i will move everything out of sigrun's room and into a corner in the training room
cannot believe we kept the doors
but good. it better count
i wouldn't be happy if we had to leave you behind
no subject
I wouldn't be happy with that, either. But it is something I've gotten used to.
no subject
...ah. so you do remember. thanks for helping with the knots again
be less used to it though, it's not happening
no subject
How could I forget? You were very cute.
Sorry, sorry. It's part of my history, so it isn't something I can just ignore. It would be nice to not be left behind, though.
no subject
sorry if i said anything weird
...i understand. i've just been thinking a lot about people's history and how to write a new future for them where the history doesn't have to repeat itself. i guess that goes for you too now
would you go back where you came from before this?
no subject
I hope you get the chance to do that. History is what it is and should not be altered, but the future isn't yet set in stone. There is always a chance to change it.
As much as I might like to see other worlds someday, my mission at home is very important. I'm sure that they could carry on without me, but I don't want to leave them when they need me.
And the last thing I knew before coming here, my comrades needed all the help they could get. One of us needs rescuing, and that is going to be hard enough on its own.
no subject
but yes exactly. i think my future is pretty set...i have will and actually, you know, want to live to see my future. there are people here whose outcomes are grim or aren't fair to them, so i want to change those for them to give them a chance of something better
if that's possible. i'm gonna make it possible
rescue missions are no joke, so i can't blame you. and i think i would do the same no matter what. even if we weren't in a time of peace right now i'd want to go back because people would need me to fight and keep home safe
a team only works best with all of its parts together anyway
but maybe...someday after your mission's complete there will be a chance to see other places
no subject
Like some on our own team... yes, I know. The people here deserve better than they have, so I'd like to see them get it.
We've always understood each other well, Nico di Angelo. And you are right about how teams work, so I'll be quite happy when ours is back together, however briefly.
[ there's a slight pause here before he continues to type. ]
Maybe. The current mission will be over soon. The larger one... It isn't likely to end for a few more centuries, I think.
And even when it does, it's just as likely that I'll be dismissed along with the other touken danshi. I may no longer exist as you know me now.
no subject
[ well that explains that. ]
bianca was my older sister
i guess yeah, at that age, i would've thought she was still alive
she died when i was ten so
i mean...jolyne absolutely yes. lillium won't leave iris but his world sounds like it needs a change. nimona. danny. ace. saya. there are a lot of people i want to help
and it's why i was hoping if we found that dumb book
i don't know. we could write a happy ending for everybody
you're probably the one of the leaders that i've had the easiest time talking to and understanding. not that the others aren't fine (i like rabbit a lot, too) but...you get it. i'll be happy to see the others again even for a little while
...when your lifelong mission's over, you'd just go back to being a sword on display?
how's that fair? it's taking away your autonomy to actually live your life
[ he has feelings on this unfortunately. ]
no subject
[ some humans just have hard lives from the start. ]
You have a good heart, Nico. As long as they want to be helped, I think you can find a way to do it, whether it's the book or some other way.
I'm glad to have had the honor of being your leader, but I do understand. We both have someone to go home to. That's just as important as anyone we've met here.
I don't know that for sure, but it is likely.
And I have to remind you that I never had autonomy in the first place. I was created to be a tool. Even now, I am a tool.
I like having the freedom to decide for myself, but my nature is what it is, and that can't be changed any more than yours.
no subject
for her and for my mother
...there's one i'm still working on and being here hasn't exactly helped but. time, i guess
i think they do. want to be helped, i mean. i don't think all of them are good at asking for it or saying so but i think they do because everybody wants to be in a place where they're safe don't they? that's what i want to do for them
i have a lot of ideas for the book if we can find it
the first being breaking the moon's nose with it
but you're right. that's....part of it, admittedly. i know you wouldn't leave your partner behind just like i could never leave will
i hate that answer izuminokami
a lot. i hate that answer a lot
and i know that but i'm still...you can't tell me that even as a tool you didn't get to make your own choices and develop your own interests in stuff
i guess i can respect the perspective even if i don't totally agree
i think anyone and anything can change as long as they want to try and are given the chance to
that's how i feel about some people here
no subject
That makes sense to me. Sometimes it is hard to say what you need, but that's what friends and comrades are for.
And the moon would deserve that.
Of course I did. I was heavily influenced by my previous master, of course, but I like what I like and hate what I hate.
As for making my own choices... That's more complicated. I never could have before being given this body, and if I lose it, I will be as I was before. Just a sword with a spirit that most humans can't see, hear, or touch.
I don't know if this is something that can be changed. Maybe something like how this world refers to us as heroes or villains can be, because that's a matter of perspective. But you can't change that I was created to be a sword, just as I can't change that you were born with human blood.
no subject
but i can't promise i would've been able to get past things if today turned out differently
exactly that. i mean i'm pretty bad at it myself but i think it's easier for me to ask and do something about it for other people than explain it for myself? i get that's weird but...workable goals
screw the moon
...i know you're right but
it just sounds really lonely
to be a spirit that can't actually engage with most people and just have to live with that
i know you're fine being a tool because that's what you were created to be but
i guess it's just sad to think about you going back to only that after knowing what you're really like
i don't know. it's not my business it's just...yeah.
no subject
And no, I don't think that's weird. It's just easier for some to focus on other people instead of themselves. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you're looking out for yourself and what you want, too.
It can be lonely, yes. I wasn't on display all the time, and I didn't even have my partner at that point. I was well loved and well taken care of, but I was still alone as a tsukumogami.
Sometimes young children can see or hear us, but not always.
I don't think I would mind getting to keep this body. It just isn't something that we as touken danshi can rely on. We are, in the end, just the spirits of tools made by humans.
I appreciate the concern regardless, Nico.
no subject
it's so uncertain is all. you can be adored and well taken care of but it's not the same as being able to really love back i guess
it sounds kind of crappy when it's said like that because it just makes it seem like humans decide what you are and aren't allowed to do
but i know you wouldn't see it that way and like i said i respect that
i hope though that...i don't know. maybe you really do get to keep your body and get to live another life experiencing it
i think i'm always going to be concerned about people i care about even when i can't change things
that's all
no subject
[ not that he needs to tell nico that. ]
But I do love them back, even as only a sword. I love Hijikata-san with everything I have. I loved the caretakers at the museum for taking care of me and keeping Hijikata-san's memory alive. I even loved Ichimura for carrying out Hijikata-san's last wish, when it meant I couldn't be there for his final battle.
It's different than what humans are used to, I think, but it's not that we can't love at all, especially now. I will always love those who care for me. That includes you.
And part of being a tool means that our purpose is decided for us. If it weren't for that, I likely would have been lost to history alongside my partner the day our master died.
It hurts, now, to think about it, and I don't necessarily want to go back to it. Maybe something will change and I want have to, but I don't think there's a way to know just yet.
I'm not even sure what I'd do with a life of my own, now that I think about it. Maybe I'd sell medicine, like my master used to? Or spend my days writing poetry?
no subject
...when you put it that way it makes a little more sense
like how animals communicate or how the memories of ghosts live. they might not be the same as a mortal's perspective, but it still exists
maybe it's just because i spent so long trying to figure out my real purpose that i have a hard time thinking of having a predetermined one
which is on me obviously not you
it's...kind of like how i feel about shame and the other cocoa puffs
they were born from me and their original purpose was only to listen to me or fight against me
but i didn't want that for them because they deserved their own freedom too
i guess that's where this is coming from
the cool thing about having a life of your own is being able to decide and try things and change your mind
but uh. i cannot in good faith recommend poetry because i still don't get it (but i support your efforts i guess)