[There sure are a ton of pizzas: the vending machine may only have pineapple and pepperoni and cheese, but there's an unlimited amount of other toppings that can be added, and he's also mixed some of the existing toppings up. It looks like there's mashed potato, pickles, fried chicken and bits of various breads from the konbini, and even some meatballs from the Tarkea.
He's certainly not covered the entire city immediately, but he's done a fair swathe of it, apparently just in search of things to spice up this vending machine pizza. Perhaps??
Hans is just going to deposit all of this on the nearest flat surface and start munching away.]
Yer the one who set a task for the food machines, weren't ya? Hurry up an' get yer appetite to work, then, meow.
[Are you telling me you'd turn your nose up at karaage pizza?? Which Hans is totally starting off with, because a slice just vanishes as soon as the box is set down.]
Well, I was goin' to suggest an eating contest, but...
[He licks off a hand and then ruffles it through his hair, so perhaps it's just as well he's put the pizzas down at this point and that they're all packaged.]
Don't think I've ever done anything as refined as a taste test team-up. That what you do in yer spare time?
How 'bout you? Yer a cat talkin' to a cat, you should know by now we're the ones who work best in the dark.
[He's just cheerfully flopped over wherever the nearest flat surface is, because also talking while upright or otherwise appropriately positioned (or eating while upright, because he's torn into one of the anpans while they were like hey you) is overrated.
He tosses over some random bread flavor, take your pick because he did not buy these discerningly at all, as all the random food lying around the dorm suggests.]
[They catch the random bread flavor! It can be melon, because that's delicious.]
Some good and some bad. On the good side, we kept nearly all of you out of prison. On the bad side, well. You know.
[Opening the bread to eat it while standing.]
I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone as to why the execution had been ordered. Everyone just said "someone important ordered it". That 'someone' wasn't the mayor either, I already checked.
[Melonpan really is the classic, even if most of these flavors are new to Hans because what is this crazy variety of bread to pre-Industrial Age fantasy societies. The isekai flavor is so real.]
Seems to me like whoever's runnin' this show is a bit too eager to pin things on us, hmm? Not even just a one or a two, but the whole [sudden cymbal noise] lot of us in one go. Meow...
[Maybe it is a symptom of what sort of day it is that he keeps getting startled by cursed noises today??? It is better than slot machine noises, but only just.]
... Mayor's not really the one in charge, then. [not surprising given his...... mayorness] You ever gotten that impression before?
[The cats are not currently in Tiger dorm! White Tiger took them elsewhere last week and they haven't been brought back yet. Hans can try to find Tiger without a cat, or try to find the cats first.]
[Wow, Tiger hunting on hard mode?? Don't mind if he does.
There's still plenty of fish in the fridge, so he's going to grab some of that (some raw and some cooked for aroma) along with toys or blankets or other portable things the cats use regularly. The best way to catch a tiger by the tail is to go for the friendlier assistants first!
Certified Hans school of thought (he just likes the cats the most).
So here he is, flitting across the city with all the things, checking trees and rooftops and whatnot -- he's going to start with the dorms and the initial non-S.U.P.E.R. required area.]
[Well, that just means the rest of this tiger hunt is going to result in increasing numbers of stray cats, isn't it. Is he the Pawed Piper now -- this is a real danger and it's entirely your fault, Invisible Tiger!!!
Hans has plenty of fish, after all, so he distributes some and instructs his cat companions to be on the lookout -- for either a tiger mask or some specific cats! It's debatable whether the cats will listen or understand but it's all about building up an atmosphere.
He'll check the rest of the dorms as well and ask around a bit to see if anyone knows where a certain hero boss went before heading for the S.U.P.E.R. if necessary.]
[Some time after Hans ends up in jail, White Tiger will appear at the bars. THey walk quietly, so it's likely that Hans might not even notice them until they come into view and speak up.]
It seems like you've gotten yourself into some trouble.
[He has so many jobs, actually?? Hans answers just as calmly, perhaps even a little cheekily from where he's flopped on the cot in the jail cell -- he doesn't look surprised or anything, but then all cats are quiet.]
But I ain't too bad at gettin' myself out of it, either.
Did ya expect all the good ol' villains to sit down an' let themselves get killed off? Fighting and killing's what I do.
[He makes a flick of his wrist that, while it's empty because he doesn't have equipment on him, is recognizable as a movement with which he'd twirl his knife.
That stuff's engrained in his bones.]
Since I'm already testin' out for you guys what happens if ya get the wrong villain, I'm thinkin' I'll test out what happens if the villain wins fer once.
Nyahaha, looks like things're a bit meowssy this week, huh?
[Hans is actually hovering a few inches off the ground?? I think this is how gravity manipulation works?? He's sort of bobbing up and down and sometimes bouncing off the ground because how do powers.
Does Black Dragon want to become a hover dragon.]
Was wonderin' what was goin' on when this happened instead of these li'l guys. Speakin' of which, didn't expect ya to be some kinda actual dragon.
[Maybe some dragons have dog characteristics around here. Dragons are mysterious. He doesn't know your life, he's just here messing around.]
Cat's gotta be able to feed himself anyplace! Saints meowght eat the wind an' rations and office food could tide ya over fer a lark, but figured I'd see if we could get in somethin' fresher.
[Experiment totally successful?? This is like, the most bizarrely advanced office building in the world but it's not like his standards for offices are either normal or in line with this place. Still, though.]
... Somehow this feels a lot weirder'n eating outta the other lake.
Probably because this isn't strictly a space governed by reality. We're in the space between life and death, some of the details of our surroundings can be fudged a bit.
Sounds a lot meowre like a dream than anything else, but if I were out here dreamin' I'd be dreamin' bigger.
[Like, newspaper prison toil is not his idea of an ideal purrgatory??
Not that purgatory is supposed to be ideal but eh, semantics. Hans has also dragged up some juice from the cafeteria; in the absence of a proper bar, this is the extent of his current hospitality.]
So if reality's not runnin' this place, who's doing it, anyway? Don't seem like it's you guys.
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Week 0: Tuesday
And I thought I had an appetite.
I swear I thought I tagged this but it may have gotten lost somewhere in 60 tabs
He's certainly not covered the entire city immediately, but he's done a fair swathe of it, apparently just in search of things to spice up this vending machine pizza. Perhaps??
Hans is just going to deposit all of this on the nearest flat surface and start munching away.]
Yer the one who set a task for the food machines, weren't ya? Hurry up an' get yer appetite to work, then, meow.
[You've been Drafted for this task.]
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What, are we going to taste test everything together and discuss rankings?
[They seem game to try it though.]
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Well, I was goin' to suggest an eating contest, but...
[He licks off a hand and then ruffles it through his hair, so perhaps it's just as well he's put the pizzas down at this point and that they're all packaged.]
Don't think I've ever done anything as refined as a taste test team-up. That what you do in yer spare time?
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Week 0, Saturday
You should head back. It's been a long day, you need rest.
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[He's just cheerfully flopped over wherever the nearest flat surface is, because also talking while upright or otherwise appropriately positioned (or eating while upright, because he's torn into one of the anpans while they were like hey you) is overrated.
He tosses over some random bread flavor, take your pick because he did not buy these discerningly at all, as all the random food lying around the dorm suggests.]
Speaking o' which, how'd your work go?
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Some good and some bad. On the good side, we kept nearly all of you out of prison. On the bad side, well. You know.
[Opening the bread to eat it while standing.]
I couldn't get a straight answer from anyone as to why the execution had been ordered. Everyone just said "someone important ordered it". That 'someone' wasn't the mayor either, I already checked.
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Seems to me like whoever's runnin' this show is a bit too eager to pin things on us, hmm? Not even just a one or a two, but the whole [sudden cymbal noise] lot of us in one go. Meow...
[Maybe it is a symptom of what sort of day it is that he keeps getting startled by cursed noises today??? It is better than slot machine noises, but only just.]
... Mayor's not really the one in charge, then. [not surprising given his...... mayorness] You ever gotten that impression before?
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Week 2, Tuesday
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There's still plenty of fish in the fridge, so he's going to grab some of that (some raw and some cooked for aroma) along with toys or blankets or other portable things the cats use regularly. The best way to catch a tiger by the tail is to go for the friendlier assistants first!
Certified Hans school of thought (he just likes the cats the most).
So here he is, flitting across the city with all the things, checking trees and rooftops and whatnot -- he's going to start with the dorms and the initial non-S.U.P.E.R. required area.]
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Hans has plenty of fish, after all, so he distributes some and instructs his cat companions to be on the lookout -- for either a tiger mask or some specific cats! It's debatable whether the cats will listen or understand but it's all about building up an atmosphere.
He'll check the rest of the dorms as well and ask around a bit to see if anyone knows where a certain hero boss went before heading for the S.U.P.E.R. if necessary.]
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Week 2, Saturday
It seems like you've gotten yourself into some trouble.
[They're speaking calmly here, despite everything.]
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[He has so many jobs, actually?? Hans answers just as calmly, perhaps even a little cheekily from where he's flopped on the cot in the jail cell -- he doesn't look surprised or anything, but then all cats are quiet.]
But I ain't too bad at gettin' myself out of it, either.
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Oh? Are you going to fight your way out tomorrow?
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[He makes a flick of his wrist that, while it's empty because he doesn't have equipment on him, is recognizable as a movement with which he'd twirl his knife.
That stuff's engrained in his bones.]
Since I'm already testin' out for you guys what happens if ya get the wrong villain, I'm thinkin' I'll test out what happens if the villain wins fer once.
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1/2
2/2
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week 3, monday
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[Hans pauses his mildly amused contemplation of destruction and contemplates the newcomer. Does it look like an actual dragon.]
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Giving a bark before they pad closed to paw at the sad sad fluff. What is this? They will give it a sniff before whining. It's stinky. ]
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[Hans is actually hovering a few inches off the ground?? I think this is how gravity manipulation works?? He's sort of bobbing up and down and sometimes bouncing off the ground because how do powers.
Does Black Dragon want to become a hover dragon.]
Was wonderin' what was goin' on when this happened instead of these li'l guys. Speakin' of which, didn't expect ya to be some kinda actual dragon.
[Maybe some dragons have dog characteristics around here. Dragons are mysterious. He doesn't know your life, he's just here messing around.]
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Week 5, Monday
I didn't take you for a fisherman.
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Cat's gotta be able to feed himself anyplace! Saints meowght eat the wind an' rations and office food could tide ya over fer a lark, but figured I'd see if we could get in somethin' fresher.
[Experiment totally successful?? This is like, the most bizarrely advanced office building in the world but it's not like his standards for offices are either normal or in line with this place. Still, though.]
... Somehow this feels a lot weirder'n eating outta the other lake.
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Probably because this isn't strictly a space governed by reality. We're in the space between life and death, some of the details of our surroundings can be fudged a bit.
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[Like, newspaper prison toil is not his idea of an ideal purrgatory??
Not that purgatory is supposed to be ideal but eh, semantics. Hans has also dragged up some juice from the cafeteria; in the absence of a proper bar, this is the extent of his current hospitality.]
So if reality's not runnin' this place, who's doing it, anyway? Don't seem like it's you guys.